Back in Singapore

It has been three weeks since i am back in this hot and humid hectic Singapore. There were so much mixed feelings going on which i find it so difficult to share with most people how i am feeling before i am back here in Singapore. it is so difficult to explain to people what i am going thru back in Melbourne. i was trying to give my best shot in university but i do not have the energy and will power to do it at that moment of timing. Mom was getting older and she kept telling me how much hope she has had on me but i just can;t carried them out as i am running out of energy. i am losing my direction once again. i felt that i am never cut out for architecture at all everyday.My passion for it is fading away.

I have no idea my depression was never ever cured. It has been accumulating since last August till now. I realized it only this late January and i have been diagnosed with severe depresson which increased my heart beat randomly and casuing me to have anxiety & panic easily which result in short of breath. Doctor advised me to take a short break from university. I have been under doctor's prescription and counselling from the pyschaitrist for the past 4 months in Melbourne. I did not get better during that period of time. Both the psychaitrist and doctor wrote a letter and emailed to the university in writing my condition which diagnosed me as unfit to continue my studies. well i was planning to just quit and head home. The doctor and psychaitrist felt that my decision was not made under a clear mind conditon. i am glad that i seeked help from the doctor soon enough to prevent myself from getting deeper into where i am before.

i was planning to have a quiet retreat back here in Singapore without telling any of my friends back here from the beginning.i changed my mind gradually as my anti-depressant and medicine to regulate my heart beat are calming my body and mind. i have almost forgotten the reason to be back in Singapore is to be closer to my friends and family. i finally had some good sleep and rest for the first two weeks. i am having hard time sleeping again. i am trying hard not to rely on my medication to sleep. Trying to make myself very tired everyday by cleaning up and unpacking my stuff but it does not help.

Nevertheless I am contented to be back. i am glee to be spending lots of my time with my mom and friends who i have not seen for awhile. i am not planning much but just focusing to get more rest and recover soon. Good night and good morning Singapore.